Wednesday, February 23, 2011February 23rd, 2011 at 6:50 pm by Deanna Dewberry under Deanna's Journey
Retail therapy in house shoes. Yep. I had the nerve, the unmitigated gall to take my black butt to Stein Mart in house shoes. I had to do it. My feet are a straight up mess, but sometimes a girl just needs to shop.
I’ve developed peripheral neuropathy. It causes numbness, and sometimes pain in your extremities. As I’ve told you in previous posts, my feet are truly ugly. My bad boys bark like a bulldog all on their own. It really adds insult to injury that now they hurt as well, so much so, that most shoes are really uncomfortable.
So that leads us to the trip to Stein Mart. They were having one of those wonderful sales – 50 percent off all red dot items. Yeah baby! And I’ve been feeling truly unattractive. Every cancer patient goes through it. Cancer treatment usually changes the way you look. That’s a fact. The trick is not to look at yourself naked. The glimpse in the mirror Sunday morning sent me into a tailspin. Good grief – who is that skinny, bald black chick? Oh my. I needed to shop – shoes or not.
I wore real shoes to church. It was about all my feet could take. So after church, off I went to Stein Mart in my house shoes. They’re really funny looking, multi-colored, pink and purple super soft fur-lined boots. They have a hard sole, so I walked in with attitude, pretending I was wearing shoes. I found three super comfy outfits to wear after surgery, and I met a woman in the check out line who made me smile. She was buying business clothes. “I start my new job tomorrow,” she told me smiling. “I was out of work for a year.”
“Oh wow, congratulations,” I told her. “I have surgery in a few weeks, and I’m buying clothes to wear during my recovery.” She and I continued to chat while we waited. She told me how hard the year had been without a job, and she so looked forward to returning to the work world.
We both stood holding our clothes, anticipating the changes ahead represented by the outfits draped over our arms. And it’s then that I really grasped the inevitability of change. For all of us, change is the only constant, and life is about adjusting to that change with the knowledge that God’s love is unchanging.
And so it is. I’m okay today. I still ain’t got no hair. I don’t recognize my body. My boobs will soon be gone. But God’s love is ever-present and unchanging – bringing me peace in my ever-changing world.